Episode: Cauliflower Loses His Birds
Original Air Date: 1962/06/26
Guest Stars: Vincent Price

Oooh, Vincent Price. Even 45 years ago Vincent looked scary.

“I came from a very tough neighborhood: anytime I showed my face all the kids would run…but they never caught me.”

He’s got zingers aplenty in this monologue.

OOOH, bringing back the pantomime about a prizefighter - the last-minute replacement fighters in prize fights. He’s conducting with grace. Doin’ all the characters…

And the starting bell. Ouch, I’d get a headache jerkin’ my head that much.. You’ll have to buy the collection to see it :-). It might be worth it just to see him fall.

Here come the performers singin’ n dancin’. “We love psychiatry…” a lot of Freudian based jokes about psychoanalysis and depression…Hypnosis is such a cool trick. I know that song they’re parodying. It’s gonna make me mad I can’t recall it …”some-thing to HOL-Ly-wood…” [As I was getting ready to publish it, the song came to me. No joke. It's Hooray for Hollywood - "Hooray for Hollywood / that screwy, ballyhooey Hollywood." - from the classic movie Hollywood Hotel.]

Cauliflower Loses His Birds Act I

Cauliflower sees birds everywhere. The shrink prepares for Cauliflower. Cauliflower comes in with a big container of birdseed, spreading it everywhere in the shrink’s office to feed the birds he sees.

“Give me your full name please?”
“Cauliflower B. McPugg,”
“What’s the ‘B stand for.”
“Broccoli.” Red’s answer brings about sardonic cheers from the crowd to which Red raises his hands in victory, “Believe it or not all day long and 2 days rehearsal and that’s the first time I got it right!”

It’s gonna be one of those shows. Cauliflower has been seein’ birds since his first professional fight - in 1947.

The shrink thinks the case is going to be tough. He leaves the room. Enter: Vincent Price in a safari outfit, carrying a net, and feedin’ birds. Him ‘n Cauliflower are looking at the birds together.

“You must come home and see my wife.”
“Oh, does she see birds?” - ask Cauliflower
“No, no, but it’s only fair. After all, I don’t see her crocodiles.”

Cut to a spooky house.
“Boy, I thought I’d never find this place. All these crack houses look alike.” - Cauliflower

Scary noises and loud howls echo through the home, “Well, if you like Pasadena you’ve got to get used to this stuff.” - Ziiing!!

Cauliflower sets on the throne n waits for Vincent. The arm of the chair picks up a goblet and hands Cauliflower a breath mint. Cauliflower tries to take another and the arm of the thrown hits him, “Well, I guess you’re right. It is kind of fattening.” Now the Throne is scratching Cauliflower. He’s in heaven.

Cauliflower is spooked. He runs for the door, opens it and runs into a brick wall. The throne gives him the ten count

Cauliflower Loses His Birds Act II

Red’s answer brings about sardonic cheers from the crowd.incent tries to tell him that the chair doesn’t move. The chair doesn’t move. Cauliflower tries to show Vincent that the door has a brick wall in it. He opens the door and the wall is gone.

Spooky Vincent Price mysteries…definitely worth watching. Vincent’s world and Red’s world plays well together.

Vincent Price doing the twist: timeless. “I told you how the body can carry on after the mind is completely gone.” Nice, Vincent and his wife broke character. Classic Red Skelton Show moment.

Cauliflower is meeting their lovely daughter Elizabeth - apparently Cauliflower can’t see invisible people.

Cauliflower went dancing with Elizabeth until Vincent told him he wasn’t dancing with Elizabeth. I think Elizabeth is leading.

Now Vincent is setting him up. Cauliflower n his wife ducked from the birds. Cauliflower doesn’t see birds. A celebration ensuces. Cauliflower’s doc n girl come out from hiding to celebrate.

“And you, not that I’m perfectly normal now I can get married.”
“Oh, isn’t that marvelous, Cauliflower?” asks his girl.
“Yes, yes. You can be my best man. C’mon, Elizabeth,” as he escorts Elizabeth through the door. Elizabeth walks through the brick wall and knocks out her silhouette.

This is the last show that goes 1/2 hour. They start to go a full hour.

Final Thoughts on Cauliflower Loses His Birds:

Red was in rare form, zinging left and right. It’s amazing how well Red’s zaniness and Price’s spookiness fit like hand n glove. A great classic episode.