Episode:  San Fernando Loses the Dixie Queen
Original Air Date:  1959/03/10
Guest Star:  Cesar Romero

Wow…Red used the same Texas couple joke as he used in The Many Skeltons in Las Vegas.

“I’m dying for a new fur coat.”
“You want a new fur coat? Don’t shave for about a month. See what develops.”
Like the joke about, “Shootin 5,000.”

Pantomime skit about a little old man passing an orphanage during the bombing of a city. Narrated by Art Gilmore. Aww, it was a heartwarming skit. Waited for the joke that never came. Well done, well done.

Dancing number time. Riverboat themed…

San Fernando Loses the Dixie Queen Act I (Mississippi River 1870)

San Fernando is the captain of the Dixie Queen. Known to be dishonest.

“He remembers when the Mississippi used to be a dew drop.” - San says of a co-worker on the take.

Classic poker-cheating humor - 5 aces at the table. In comes San’s daughter - easy on the eyes.

Uh-oh, here comes Clayton (Romero). He’s trying to pick up the daughter. I wish I had the courage to just give a girl a kiss.

“I gotta work fast, honey. I’m a wanted man.”

“By whom are you wanted?”

“Practically gal I know.”

Clayton’s gonna try to hustle San Fernando. The poker cheating jokes are just beginning.

The gig is up.

“Honest man? Sir, that’s an insult!!,” - San.

Clayton wants to start a partnership with San.

Clayton finds San’s daughter, Mary Lou, out along the railing of the Dixie Queen…

“For 30 years I’ve been sailing up this river. This is the first time I’ve ever been up the creek.”

San Fernando Loses the Dixie Queen Act II

San’s gonna work to win his boat back…wow a long, rambling speech about the South Rising…

“What’s that got to do with this boat?”

“Nothing.”

Clayton makes San a partner so San doesn’t turn him into the cops, then knocks him out and steals his clothes.

Clayton is dressed as San n tricks the cops.

Clayton’s trying to prove to Mary Lou that he’s innocent.

Clayton n San run into each other - mirror joke coming.

Uh, oh, the Sherriff sees 2 San Fernando Red’s.

San Fernando Red takes the fall for at his daughter’s request n walks the sheriff off the gang plank. Of course, there’s no gang plank.

Final Thoughts on San Fernando Red Loses the Dixie Queen

A classic Red Skelton Show episode. Poker jokes seem to never get old. Old vaudeville-styled skit with more physical comedy than zingers that seems to be timeless. Red puts just enough of a twist to them that he’ll still catch you off guard even when you know what’s coming.

Episode:  San Fernandocal
Original Air Date:  1961/01/03
Guest Stars:  Mary Beth Hughes

“I was standing here applauding for myself. I thought we had another guest star,” I haven’t even watched the episode yet and I know this one is going to be a doozy already just because Red is loopy from rehearsals.

“I had to say ‘little button’ that way because they wouldn’t let me say, ‘belly button.’” I think I’ve heard the belly button joke from him before. Nope…this was as far as I got when I tried to watch this earlier. This is gonna be a doozy.

The theme of the monologue is doctors, medications, and pills. He’s pantomime someone taking medication. The sounds are silly - right up Red’s alley. Swallowing pills can be difficult. Aww, poor Red.

I wonder if Dean Martin zingers were as much a standard as the sketches?

Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!

Dancers time, at the local drug store pulling pills from the water cool. I didn’t realize they’re that old. Pills! Pills! Pills! For all of life’s problems. Nice satire.

Ahhh….I guess San Fernandocal found a magic brew. This ought to be entertaining

San Fernandocal Act I:

WOW! Zingers we couldn’t use today, “I’m sure glad Alaska’s become a state so we can use all this blubber now.”

“I say ‘loosely’ because that’s the way you’re built.”

And the laugh tracks are filling in the gaps. Niiiice, that’ll layering up Mary Bath Hughes - San’s assistant - layering up in winter coats. Looks like a scam is coming.

“What do you suggest?” asks the victim. Red breaks character for a second, “Ohhh, they’d just cut it out anyhow.” - Sensors are awesome.

Oh my goodness. Wow, I wouldn’t feel right quoting some of these other zingers. I remember this is 48 years old. Sometimes we forget how audacious “ma & pa” shows can be. This usually means a moral is coming.

First victim, patient, “Pullin’ your leg? I couldn’t lift it…” and the thunder keeps coming.

Ahhh, San Fernandocal is the super diet pill, “San Fernandocal is guaranteed. If you don’t loose the weight you get double your chins back.”

Here comes the scam. She doesn’t even drink the water the big cheater. She lost 55 lbs. in 20 seconds. The ladies are impressed.

Wow, $100 dollars a quart, “Well, it a lot less than it cost you to put on all that flab on you there.”

Red fills up the quart in the sink. Nice.

End of act 1.

San Fernandocal Act II:

Production is going crazy.

Uh, oh, the Food n Drug commission showed up. They discovered it is water.

Wait, is there a crime against selling water?

Crime syndicate gets wind of San Fernandocal and wants the action. Uh oh.

Oh, NO, don’t grab the moustache. A man can only stand so much torture.

Oh, NO, not the chest hair. Wait, what is that?

Oh, San gives up.

San told the mobsters the secret ingredient and they don’t believe him.

The mobster is gonna give it the 30 day test himself.

The mobsters are skinny, but so weak they can’t shoot San. San takes the bullets out for them.

“Just drink some more San Fernandocal. That’ll get the lead out.”

The Food n Drug found San n saved him.

San signs the deed n gives San Fernandocal over to the mobsters just in time.

Wow did Red botch the last line

Final Thoughts on San Fernandocal:

Red Skelton really went to town early on with the weight jokes. I was a tad bit surprised. You really can’t get away with it now. I guess that’s why he always pushed the envelope. Classic humor to boot. Now I know where these liquid diets got their ideas.

He also didn’t have to worry about cracking up the cast. They were already loopy, which is what made it so fun.